Mac-o! Nobody wears that uniform in my station. More like a civilian trapped in a cop's body. Checking. Stolen? Where'd you get the Canadian tuxedo? It sets a bad example. Oh, that little guy? - Listen, Rod-- - It's delicious. Mr. Galikanokus! To use them in other public showcase/performance situations, please note that on your application (expect to purchase a copy of the script for each participant, and potentially pay a small royalty per performance). You still have that Halloween costume? Uh, 'cause you were doing 90 in a 65. I don't know. - We got 'em, we got 'em! Oh. No. Don't look. Oh, right. Broken Lizard's Super Troopers is a 2001 comedy film about highway troopers in the state of Vermont. I'll be right back. - Burton, somebody's got to stay here. Damn it, you burger punk! And you guys are drunk, and unarmed. Enhance. Ursula, what the f*ck? Sorry I missed the call. I'll do you one better, Captain. Hey, hey, hey! It's highway. - That's a lot of booze. That girl's not yours. ALDERONA (1 girl teen, 1 teen guy) – Scripted scifi scene for two teenagers, 1 guy and 1 girl. It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns. - No. You're never gonna win... with those thin little bird lips you got there. - I can't eat that! every Thursday night I walk into the Lodge to play Hearts... and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there. Ooh. No shit? It's this monkey that basically travels around the world... uh, doing nasty things. It stinks like sex in here. What took you guys so long to get here? Come on, meatball. - Tickle, tickle. what is the opening song in the movie super troopers, the one playing when the potheads were in the police car? - Rookie, pay the lady. Ha! - Grady! Get a hit. Could I have nearly died from drinking lysol? Listen, Officers, I'm on a really tight schedule. - A liter of cola! - Put a bullet in him, Grady. I'll go check on those guys. Thank you very much. - Please, yes-- - Fuckin'pig! - You put in for a transfer yet? - Bye-bye. Farva, you're ridin' with Thorny. Yeah. Are you listening? Make your first move. - You-- What the hell is this? - Bullshit. - We're in trouble, aren't we? We got a suspicious vehicle. Clear out of here. - Sir, this is not a civilian channel. - My ass in your face, Thorny. more…, All Jay Chandrasekhar scripts | Jay Chandrasekhar Scripts. - All right meow, where were we? - Yeah, okay, Radio. - Uh, do you have any more syrup? So, listen, I, um, had a really good time at that Winnebago fight. Yeah, but our station got shut down, so-- Oh, no shit, man! That movie is awesome!!! You're my man, now. I-- I-- I'm a police officer. He's right in front of the building. Two cops sleeping together. You know how fast you were goin'? All right, we're cool. - With all that media there, she would love us for it. - Fear. Let's go, 91. I do! Mike, you didn't eat both those bags, did you? Rabbit, you couldn't have picked a worst time! You know there's a dead chick in there? Oh, Christ. - What does that look like to you? - License and registration. Okay. And you're banned from Dimpus Burger. - She said, 'Okeechobee.' Arlo! - You're goddamn right I am! What's Grady doin' up there? Well, where were we? So, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna need whenever you get a chance. All right, all right. - We're all in the same boat. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. Sorry about the light there. Categories. - Ooh. Cat Game? Let's cruise. - You should be. Do I look like a cat to you, boy? What the f*ck is this? I know what they're doing. Farva! Come and get it. Aw, f*ck it. You catch any speeders today? Ah! We're drug busters. That'll happen. Hey, man. Let it roll. Well, not so good. - I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes. Yeah? Well, we got about, uh, twenty desk lamps. Maybe, uh, I don't know, we could do it again sometime. And some string. - Oh, shit! How about a little pep, hmm? - Me? Cut it out, you guys. - What the f*ck? One... Two... Three... Do It! - Hey, I saw that! - Get back in the car! - What, are you the shoe police now? Oh, Mr. Tough Guy here. 14 Dec. 2020. Put that pistol down! Oh, we're working on it. - You ratted us out! - That'd be a good slogan, wouldn't it? - Now, did you say, 'Yes, sir'? If anything happens... count to ten, take some deep breaths. - You killed my dummy. Good cut. So after I jimmy the door, I do a quick recon. Rodney! What? But there's something funny in the air. - Pull over farther, man! Good work, Officer. Do you want me to hold the spit? I don't get it. Do it! Shh! of Levi Strauss. - Hey, Cap! - But I-- I just gave you it, Officer. Farva, hit the radio. Let's face it Get your pink slip Get your pink slip Get your pink slip Get your pink slip Won't you get a job Won't you get a job Don't be a fuckin' slob Yeah Yeah Get your pink slip Get your pink slip Quit your day job Quit your day job Quit your day job In the black and blue light Now he's readin' your rights He's a mean dog barkin' in the dust and the dark In the middle of the night Ain't no better you can do After all I'm through A trooper with an attitude A trooper with an attitude Said you're pumpin' that light You'll never beat it in time And he laughs in your face So you feel the disgrace Now you're spreadin' 'em wide Did you walk clean comin' through You got troubles I'm sure A trooper with an attitude So he tried to make it clear You're wishin' you weren't here You don't try to make a go It's all on video And they're sellin' the beer The work's still comin' true You got troubles I'm sure A trooper with an attitude Get out of the car. - How about that little fella? 38 Slightly Inappropriate Pics and Memes 21,930. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. The mayor came down today. It'll be fun. You know what? Did, uh, I do something wrong, officers... because I know I wasn't speeding. Thanks. This is our jurisdiction. White Sox manager agrees to guilty plea in DUI arrest, Ashanti reveals she's tested positive for coronavirus, Former aide accuses Cuomo of sexual harassment, 'Squad' member presses Biden: Cancel student debt, Trump slams Cleveland for dropping 'Indians' nickname, 'High risk': Longshoremen want protection from virus, Dodgers co-owner: Pandemic won't hurt pro team values. So call off the party quick Find a replacement Get your pink slip Quit your downtown Loser! Christ! Are you okay? Do what? - A local cop? Do you need my assistance? What? 'Cause when the governor shows up, I'm gonna throw her a little party. - Yeah, sure. 'Good luck in Sherburne, John. 'Dear John... 'Congratulations are due to you... 'and your men for your brave, impressive... 'but most of all unorthodox tactics... 'in thwarting the drug-smuggling ring... and extreme police corruption.' You know where he is? - Oh, shit! So we think there might be some kind of connection. Thank the Lord. - You sound like a fuckin' wienie. - No! Let me tell you another funny story, New Jack. Like Uncle Fred? Do you know why I pulled you over? - See you later, sucker! Yeeeee-hoooooo! Uh, you were laying your best rap on me and I was resisting. Yeah, Burger Boy! I love acid-- Cops. Foster? Lucky guess. I'm sorry, Bruce. in the bathroom. subtitle edited by rogard, Jayanth Jambulingam Chandrasekhar (born April 9, 1968) is an American comedian, film director, screenwriter, and actor. - Amazing. - We're cool. - Yeah. John Q. by James Kearns undated, unspecified draft script in html format Host Site The Daily Script genre(s): Drama You guys are goin' out, but you, um, sleep with other people? - But I'd pull you over. - Give me six Schlitzes. Holy shit! I got my own car, now. But aren't you guys the Highway Patrol? We're on it. - We're dead! Views. Be cool, be cool. Hello down there. Come on. I can see there's something not right about that bed. All right, Arlo. Man, it's probably better for the flow... if you put it back over here. - Yea! You guys watch that Johnny Chimpo thing? - Good work, gentlemen, all the way around. - Can't we turn the siren on? - Uh, it's a drug bust. You're the one millionth person to say that to me. Get some rubber gloves. Do you wanna do 'Repeat'? How are you shootin' today, Thorn? She could sue me. - Oh, God. Fighting's not gonna change anything. Is that the same car, man? Aah! Shit, man. - Drunk enough to kick your ass. - Could I go now? But if I was a bettin' man, I'd put money on us changin' the governor's mind tonight. Whoo! Can't catch the Rabbit. Same team. Hey, Chief. The local mothers are running protection for' em. Have your fun, boys. Beat it! Uhh. - Oh, yeah. Uh, right. - Uh, 65? Mac, now I'm gonna pay you. Who wants a mustache ride? He's like a moose. I'm back on the road, now. - Holy shit! You got to get over there and you got to cuff her. Ma'am, I need you to calm down. - Guys. You went into the impound, scaled the fence... broke into the Winnebago and smashed the bed, all on a hunch? You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you. Sir, no. - Farva went schizoid. Give me a gun, huh, to hold for the pictures. Let's do this. Hold the spit. Whoa-ho-ho-ho! No? I don't get it. - Afternoon. Make mama proud. You just can't keep them under control. Car Ramrod. Ramathorn. No, man, I'm just saying'-- I'm sayin' if-- if you own the beach property, right... - Mm-hmm? Where's the keg go? I don't want a large Farva. I've been thinkin' a lot about that. You're a highway patrolman. No big deal. So what's the deal with you and Bobbi? Farva, clean the cells! Good one! Ping! - Uh, sorry about that. - Ah, now some fun for both of us. Let us handle the real police work, huh? - I said no! Please don't shoot me. I got the latest shit list, gentlemen. Look, you know what? Not really. What's the point? What's a movie you saw once and wouldn't watch again even if someone said they would pay you 100 dollars to watch it with them? Yeah! - Those are 'shrooms, dude! Oh, shit. You deal with the hog. Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie. This is our crime scene. All right, all right, all right. I was just-- - Good morning. Oh, right. I think it's better... Feng Shui if it's, uh, over there. F*ck you, Mac! - For O'Hagan. Back in '74... the great Charlie Rich was named Country Musician of the Year. We really should be getting back to the jail. I did not see that coming. She's late. Ditch it! Nope. - Sixty-three. What are you gettin' out of this? It's sort of a long story, all right? Let me get this straight. That's the law. She was in on it. - Roger. - Assholes! No. We're goin' over the border to Canada... - for some french fries and gravy, sir. We truly appreciate your support. You guys forget what color your car is? You just humped the mayor's wife and burnt down City Hall. Wanna go punch for punch? - Yeah. What? All right, good cut, Ruthie. All right, assholes, quit talkin' about me. What? You know, Rabbit, a good cop doesn't really know why he does anything. We are takin' it. You should have known better. Okay. - Uh, sorry, Officer Farva, I can't-- You want me to come in there, boy? Really. There's no fuckin' way that is happenin'. Listen. Hey, bro. Hold my snow cone. Hey, buddy. I'm onto it. You showed Grady our secret stash? Who's Uncle Fred? Do you need my assistance? Batter up! Come on, Thorn. I'm not even gonna dignify myself with a response to that. Rabbit, I got a Plymouth Voyager... Say 'Car Ramrod.' Yeah, well, I wouldn't know. We have to inventory our equipment. "Super Troopers" Scripts.com. - Whatever's free. - Shut up, Farva. - If you did, I'd activate my car's wings, and fly away. Here. - Uh, they test it? - Twenty-three, that Porsche is hot. Have your fun. - Ooh. Did it work? - Roger. I'm into that! Come and get me, Mac. - Hi, John. 1. Because you crapped on my heart! Yeah, retired cop goes to work for his hippie girlfriend in her head shop. Look at this chump. 72 Acting Scenes and Scripts for Actors. - Ja. Sorry about that, bro. We remade the intro for the movie Super Troopers, thanks for viewing. - Hey! I already told my mom about you. Now things are getting kinky. Oh. - Give my regards to Bobby Baboon. - Come in, Radio. - All right, Arlo. You shouldn't let this come between you. - Ooh. - Ohh! You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot... and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms, man. Th-- That's why I helped you find the reefer, that's why I helped you guys steal the Winnebago... and that's why I brought you... here tonight. But, Thorn, if they do shut you down... maybe you could stick around here? Well, you did it this time. C-- Canada. My Uncle Denny used to have one just like this. ...and of course, your own local police chief, Bruce Grady... has made yet another astonishing breakthrough... in our state's War on Drugs. Can I come see you? - Bye-bye. I mean, if they had been chugging the ketchup. Open bar, ain't it? Hey, Mac! F*ck it! Hey, stop jumping on the bed. Am I saying 'meow'? - What the f*ck? I get to bust criminals! - What are ya, drunk? God! Oh. It's not so bad. That's a lot of hooch! I wrote it on the paper. Thorny did six... - but I think you can do ten. Just a minute. Rabbit, you're on radio. See, there you have it. All right. Checking. - This is no problem, hmm? Oh. Now hand over that registration. - Oh, man. I mean, a murder on the highway... and you give them the investigation. Think I'm getting sent to Deer Lick. What are some ideal movies for Trump supporters? The governor comes to town on Saturday for that big thing, right? - On your tab, Officer Womack? Ninety-one? - Oh, I could never catch you? Take a walk, buddy, take a walk. Shut up, Farva. Come on. Lady in blue, comin' through. I got a good feelin' about this. Now I've spoken to the governor myself. Now, I'm gonna have a bigger budget then, and I could really use... a good local officer like yourself. - Now, don't get puke on it. - Ohh! And then we're gonna have to zip on out of here. Mad Timber! - You're cool, man. Come on! Hold on! Sorry. Oh, Big Bear Oh, Big Bear Hey, hey, hey, hey. Actually, you know what? They can't lump us in with that fuckin' Martian. F*ck! John. http://jasonkarlavige.com/ Hey, what's up, bone diddlies? - Aah! Mother of God. Super Troopers is a film series. Excuse me. Wait. I'm the only one here? - I love your-- - I'm on the radio. - Why didn't you weigh in? - Bulletproof cup, huh? - Get out of the car, man! Hey, we could even chase drug dealers together. And now, you come in here talking about... monkey tattoos on some drunk lady's tit like it's a goddamn drug conspiracy. Tap this thing! - I like that. Out of the car, scumbag! Wh-- Why? Meet me at Route 9 and Okeechobee Road, and don't be late. I'll tell you when it's time to grow a moustache. - Farva said that car is stolen. Here's what I'll need. Come in, come in. - I do! Okay, Foster. What'd you do? - Would you stop touching my rookie, Grady? Could you hold on a minute? Oh, yeah! How do you think about the answers? Now, Rabbit, a good cop does what... before using his equipment in the field? Yeah! - I need someone sober. You know what? Rabbit? So, do you want to 'Dimpisize' your meal for a quarter more? Sounds like y'all have a hog problem. Come on, Farva, man. Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny? - How are ya doin'? I think I might be able to talk to Grady for you. - He killed the cops! - Later, dude. I think you get a star. Like a brand name. You wanna tell that to O'Hagan? [cross-eyed and with slight lisp] Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you? - Yeah! - What the f*ck! Farva! I got you good, you fucker! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ping! - I'm tryin' to apologize here. We're not gettin' shut down, Grady. Meow! We got 50 miles of highway. And that dead woman in the Winnebago had the same logo tattooed on her back. - Is the guy-- - Oh, yeah. You could never catch me. Oh, you heard that, did ya? Oh, shit! Oh, hey, I am sober as a bird. - Ma'am, I hate to do this to you, but would you-- would you please put your hands behind your back? Maybe not to the untrained eye. - Who is this? Shh! - Hit! Listen, listen. Sing it again, rookie bitch. I'll go down there and check it out. - You know what this is? Well, I'll be damaged if Mr. Rich didn't pull out his cigarette lighter... and light that award on fire in front of everyone. Sounds kinda flimsy. - Uh-huh. - That's my car. I like you. They think I'm Mexican. - What? Super Troopers is the sequel to original sleeper hit/cult classic called, you guessed it, Super Troopers. F*ck! - Take it easy, Rod. - Take it up with O'Hagan! Come on, Rabbit. - No! Ninety-one, are you there? - Vermont plates-- Hold on. You ready for the photo shoot? I'm serious. You're not Mexican? - That will happen. - All right. - I was afraid I'd lose my job. - All right, Thorny. Hey, I'll touch you. But then, I guess you'd miss out on all those wacky things you highway guys do. - Hail to thee! - Oh, look, a bar of soap. That's a big difference. Top health expert on vaccine: Abandon 'conspiracy theories', Another singer makes allegations against LaBeouf. Yeah. This is the Spurbury Police. Holy, shit. - He gonna spit in it now? She's gonna shut us down. EXT. Language. Bullshit. Your suspension continues. All right, all right. That's right. - What about you? - Foster? - What? We got new evidence on your murder. Maybe they're drug busters, but you're dispatch. I'll come in there! - No, I was just tellin' him that so he makes it good. - Foster! - What are you? Mm, trust me, bro. BEACH - DAY Hundreds of young, perfect bodies of college age kids frolic on the sand and in the warm water. Now, did you know that Farva was the one who told Grady about our plans? Stop jumping on the bed. All right, f*ck it. But he's asleep right now. I know that! Okay, I did! I can't calm down! Let's do your jobs and keep this place open, huh? - D-- Do I look high? Can I take your order? A two-by-four! Are you ready for the fun part? - Mm. I what on your heart? Uh, beverage? Why use your head when you can be getting some cop-on-cop fucky-sucky? I'm cool. What? - I don't want it! - We should have seen that comin'. Back in the cage with your beautiful wife, huh? Who's the man? Ooo-wee-ooh! Officer, this is a major problem... because I cannot afford another ticket with mein Porsche. - Sorry, Urs. Evil shenanigans. Next batter! - Please, Thorn, not now. - Oh, I think we're pretty well covered, Mr. Mayor. - Oh, you're growin' yours, are ya? Chief! - Just opening the window. Well, hello, Shirley. For an emergency fund-raiser. What's, uh, what's the record? That was our stash! Let's get him! So, what we have to do is distract whoever they leave there. You, uh, wanna do 'Repeat'? Still have questions? Almost made it. Ohh! They're both kinda fat and stupid. Okay. - Is there a problem, officers? - Am I drinkin' milk from a saucer? - Come in, Ursula! He's a crazy bird. - Of course they started the fight. And you know who that was? Not a clue. Oh, I forgot. - He can join too, if you like? Oh! Just kidding, Officer... Farva. - What the hell's he doin'? Can you believe it? - Yeah, Chief, I'll take a chinchilla. They got fired! - Get over here. Excuse me. Source(s): opening song movie super troopers playing potheads … That creepy kid with the lisp? Cap, you know I'm cool, but I can take no responsibility for these white devils. - And, no, we're not doin' it. - He fuckin' started it! - You'll finally get to shoot someone. A gentleman never asks. - Do you see me eatin' mice? Yeah, actually it was George Washington that never told a lie. - What do you got? Too sitcom. - No. It does? Oh, St. Anky's. Double baco cheeseburger. Oh, there's a disgusting pervert flashing people. Knock it off. - You got it, Cap. Easy, Rod. Yes, sir. Boy, you guys just keep shooting yourselves in the foot. What happened here? Is it just me or are there no good movies in Hollywood anymore. - Hey, what the f*ck? Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you? It's cool, man. We're okay. You got to promise me no more bullshit. We don't want to leave. Arlo! Guys. What is this thing again? - Team Ramrod? It's Rabbit's. What are you pulling back there? - We got 'em, Cap. Well-- Hey, Arlo, does Mom ever have any friends over? F*ck it, all right. Who gives a shit? When you gotta go, you gotta go. - Whoa! I'd massage your feet every night until you fell asleep. When we go up there, and we're wrong, no big deal. - It's gone. - Heard you got to see Farva naked. Yeah, well, you don't weigh in, you don't wrestle. You know, you can't tell anybody about this. It's easy for you to say. - When do I get to do that? So-- So, hey, what's goin' on? We're, like, ten miles out. Ah, f*ck it. Okay. It's cool. We look like a bunch of pussies. - Better than the crap you pull, Frank. - Exactly. Open your throat, relax the jaw. Faster! - It's just a quarter, and look how much more you get. That's fine police work. Throw it out the window! Standard procedure. Spread it on! Did you hear that, guys? Hello in there. Shoot it! - English! Is there maybe something you would like me to do to you? From those guys over there. Yeah! He's so bulgy. Ow! You ratted us out to Grady. - You're okay, right? Good enough for me. We're sending someone down, don't worry. My cruiser weighs 16,000 kg. What's this jack-off doin; trying to pull him over? He's got a lot of real good friends here. - Yeah! Is that why you treat us with such disrespect? Thorny, I'm takin' a hard line. It's embarrassing. But, yeah, other than that, it's pretty boring out there. Please. Oh, the humanity! I don't have any I.D. Okay, I get off work at 10:30. What the hell. Super Troopers Opening Scene - Coub - The Biggest Video Meme Platform by Elena Duberman Come on, Dad! Get the f*ck out of here! I want a goddamn liter of cola! Come on, Thorny. - John! Now to teach you boys a lesson, Officer Rabbit and I are gonna stand here... while you three smoke the whole bag. Definitely better over there. - Oh, I think he's going to the window again. Yeah? Twenty-eight years later, they’ve created R-rated Super Troopers 2 (opening today), which aims to outdo the raunchy slapstick featured in their 2001 sleeper hit. Hey, guys. - Oh, God. - Oh! Canadian grass. I guess I just go take a shower then, huh? Uh-- What? Get this. Let's go! I'm your mother. Let's say if you do own it. - Funny, but nothin' there. Faster! I just must have dazed out and well-- I'll pull into the next one and get weighed, okay? Whoo-ooo-ooo! - What the hell's that all about? Super Troopers 2 (2018) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. Hell, yeah! Hey, Mike, um, while you're at it? Get your tape. Oh! - Oh, I do. Everybody outta the car! Three. Come on, Thorn, I need this. Strike three! I told you it was those kids with the wrenches. - Shit! Here's a list of all: Performed by Southern Culture on the Skids, Written by Roger Leon, Jr., Earl Oropeza & Ray Theriot, Performed by The Jack Grace Band (as Jack Grace Band), Written by Alessandro Franchi (as A. Franchi) & Daniele Torrente (as D. Torrente), Performed by The St. Petersburg Symphony Orchestra, Written by Joseph Henry, Phillip Lehman & Alexander Roth. - Think that's funny, do you? - Cocaine? I-- I'm naked. Holy shit! Yeah, yeah Well, I got a ticket to ride this rocket Whoo, sixteen ounces in my back pocket Well, come on, baby, won't you take a little taste 'Cause we're about to get on into outer space I got a ticket to ride on that rocket You weren't kiddin'. - You could have your own car. I'll be damned if I'll let Grady and those buttheads get their hands on it! Easy, Rod. I am so used to driving on the Autobahn. - Bruce? Just print the damn thing! So I'm walkin' down by the local police station, minding my own business. Anonymous. Definitely. - Quit slappin' me. Views. - Hello? - We was freakin' out, man. Ping! You know, Mac and Foster... did that thing, you know, with the 'who can say pussy the most.' - No Schlitz. What's the name of that restaurant you like, with all the goofy shit on the walls... - and the mozzarella sticks? Canada, huh? You wanna take this one, kid? - This is a cop car! - Oh, I got brass buns. Give me a, uh, pie. What did you find out at the weigh station? Let's kick some tail. A parody to the movie Super Troopers, enjoy. Hey, look at that. Oh, f*ck! Humane Society? - Shit! Bite-- Oh, hell! Uh, who knew it was a stick? - No guns.